Winter Longing by Tricia Mills

anything abnormal for us to cuddle up on the couch. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and returned his attention to the movie. I stared at the screen, but nothing registered beyond my desire to wrap my arms around Spencer and confess all of my hidden feelings.

CHAPTER 14
     
    “How did the test go?” I asked as Lindsay got into the lunch line behind me. I wanted to avoid heavy conversation, so I’d been focusing on surface topics.
    “Fine, I think. But when I’ll ever use physics, I have no idea.”
    “Precisely why I didn’t take it.”
    “It was that or choir, and you know I don’t sing.”
    “Not without making dogs howl, anyway.”
    She smacked me on the shoulder, and for a moment, it felt like old times. But Spencer’s gaping absence kept the spurts of normalcy to a minimum.
    Lindsay cursed as she searched her purse.
    “What’s wrong?”
    “My wallet isn’t in here. Crap, I think I left it on the bed this morning.”
    I opened my mouth to say I’d buy her lunch and she could pay me back, but I didn’t get the chance.
    “I’ve got it.” Caleb Moore extended a five-dollar bill past us to Cheryl Sturgeon, the cashier.
    Already, Lindsay was shaking her head. “I can’t let you do that.”
    He smiled wide, one of those smiles that stops females of all ages in their tracks, stunning them into blabbering idiocy. “I already did.”
    Caleb winked at Linds, and for a moment, I thought she might melt.
    “I’ll pay you back tomorrow.”
    “No need. Not every day I get to buy a pretty girl lunch.”
    Oh, he was smooth. I eyed him, trying to figure out if it was genuine. I glanced past him to Drew Chernov, and red flags went up. The company Caleb was continuing to keep was less than ideal.
    Drew narrowed his eyes at me. “Hurry up. Some of us are hungry.”
    Jackass. “Bite me,” I said.
    Okay, that felt normal, too. Weird. As I grabbed my tray and led Lindsay away before she started drooling on herself, I realized that Drew was the first person who’d treated me carelessly since Spencer’s crash. Well, there’d been that less-than-happy look from Patrice the day she’d seen Jesse and I talking in the hall, but Drew was the first one to open his piehole and be an all-out jerk. In a very odd way, I was glad. Still didn’t mean I liked him. They’d be wearing bikinis in January in Fairbanks before that happened.
    I’d noticed Linds stealing glances at Caleb every day, but I’d chosen to ignore it. Partly because I hadn’t had much to give in the past few weeks, and partly because he hadn’t stood up for her when Drew had opened his fat, idiotic mouth.
    When we slid into chairs at our usual table, I saw her looking back toward where Caleb was taking a seat with Drew and some of the other charter members of the popular crowd.
    “The crush isn’t going away, is it?”
    She sighed and shoved her lima beans around on her plate. “No. I wish it would. But every time I see him, my heart rate doubles and I get all jittery.”
    I knew that feeling well. I rode out a familiar wave of pain before I spoke again.
    “Can’t say I like some of his crowd, but he seems nice.” I hoped anyway. Maybe if Linds found someone, at least she could start to heal from our loss. “Maybe just talk to him, act like the scene with Drew never happened.”
    “Yeah, because that’s all kinds of easy.”
    I shrugged, because I didn’t have a better solution or, honestly, any energy for matchmaking. Lindsay deserved to be happy, and if Caleb Moore could make her happy, I was all for it. But our short conversation about him was about all I could stand without memories of Spencer rendering me useless.
    The need to strike out still roiled inside of me. I wanted someone to pay for something. The bark of Drew’s laughter across the cafeteria gave me the perfect target. When Lindsay glanced away, I closed my milk carton and slid it into a side pocket of my bag.
    “I’ve got to run to the restroom. See you later.” I