Assertiveness for Earth Angels: How to Be Loving Instead of Too Nice by Doreen Virtue Page A

insecure person will likely feel wounded and take your words personally, but you can’t put your whole life on hold to coddle someone. You’re enabling unhealthy behavior by pretending to be friends. Perhaps there’s someone else who would genuinely enjoy this person’s company, and if you get out of the way by being honest, it leaves room for that new and more appropriate individual to come into his or her life.
    Stalking
    Stalkers take the needy and clingy behavior to a whole new, and sometimes dangerous, level. Almost always, this is an ex-lover who won’t let go. He or she shows up at work, your home, or your friends’ homes; calls you constantly; and incessantly begs you to return to the relationship. Very often, these pleas are accompanied by promises that he or she has “really” changed this time. If you don’t comply with the person’s wishes, the behavior may escalate to abuse or threats.
    â€” How this relationship affects you : For some people, having a stalker is a misguided boost to their self-esteem. But make no mistake, stalkers don’t love you. They want to own and control you, which is the opposite of true love. If the stalker is telling you that his or her life is ruined without you, or threatening to commit suicide if you don’t come back, you may be racked with guilt and worry. This person has probably caused you great anxiety and even sleepless nights. In extreme cases, you may have had to file for a restraining order to keep him or her away from you.
    â€” How to handle this : Don’t give this person the satisfaction of any form of reaction. Any reply that you offer encourages him or her to continue stalking you. Have the stalker’s number blocked from your phone, or change yours if you have to. Block him or her on your e-mail and social-media sites. Have no contact with the person whatsoever. If there’s any history of violence, contact authorities and file for a restraining order. Don’t take threats lightly. Stalkers have committed violent crimes many times. Call upon Archangel Michael to cast this person permanently out of your life, and vow that in any future relationships where there are signs of extreme jealousy, controlling behaviors, or stalking, you’ll run the other way.
    Guilt-Tripping
    Guilt-trippers are practically professionals at getting their way through manipulating other people. They won’t take no for an answer. They have a well-rehearsed bag of tricks they use to cajole others and get what they want. They might cry, threaten to hurt themselves, say that no one loves them, or remind you of the times that they helped you.
    â€” How this relationship affects you : You feel resentful or even enraged that you’re being pushed against your will, but you feel you have no choice but to comply with the guilt-tripper’s wishes. If you feel yourself being pushed to help someone through guilt or implied obligation, this is a sign that you’re being manipulated.
    â€” How to handle this : By facing this situation directly, you will accelerate your spiritual growth. Guilt-trippers aren’t accustomed to hearing “no,” but it’s good for their spiritual growth to have that experience. After all, they have no close relationships because they don’t have authentic one-on-one connections with anyone. All of their relationships are egocentric. So, by telling this person no and sticking to it, without guilt or excuses, you’re giving the guilt-tripper the opportunity to have a spiritual-growth experience of his or her own. The guilt-tripper will either find another victim to harass or will realize that these methods aren’t healthy or effective. This is especially true if everyone in your circle agrees to stop enabling the behavior, and all of you say no to guilt-based requests.
    Angerholism
    â€œAngerholics” are addicted to being angry. They get mad at the smallest and