Assertiveness for Earth Angels: How to Be Loving Instead of Too Nice by Doreen Virtue

the corrector how you honestly feel. By giving candid feedback to the corrector, you help him or her develop better relationships. If his or her correcting style annoys you, it annoys everyone else, too. So, the next time this person corrects you, take a deep breath and say: “Sometimes I feel that you’re more my teacher than my friend. And while I appreciate you adding to my body of knowledge, I’d prefer to have conversations where it’s just us sharing our feelings instead of you trying to teach me.”
    One-upmanship
    People who one-up others have done everything better than you, on a larger scale, and they want to tell you about it! Any story that you relate will be scarcely digested before it is regurgitated in a more grandiose version—starring them . Such people only listen enough to hear the topic of discussion so that they can immediately go to their memory banks and extract their experience of that situation, which was over-the-top amazing. They’re so insecure and desperate for attention and approval that they step all over other people’s spotlight to grab it back for themselves.
    â€” How this relationship affects you : Your body exhibits signs of tension and resentment. You feel unheard and unappreciated. In this sort of relationship, you feel lonely because it’s a one-sided conversation at all times. You also feel disappointed that the other person won’t share in your excitement or other emotions concerning the experiences you’re relaying.
    â€” How to handle this : Such people have no idea that they’re upsetting, annoying, or pushing others away with their superiority complex. They’re extremely lonely and wonder why people aren’t impressed with their accomplishments. They believe that if people are impressed, they’ll be loved and valued. Once you understand the depth of such a person’s loneliness and desperation to be loved, an assertive Earth Angel can go from there.
    The heart of assertiveness is being honest and taking responsibility for your feelings. So never point the finger and claim that the other person is making you angry. It’s his or her behavior that’s triggering you. Let the one-upper know that you value and admire him or her, as long as that’s sincerely how you feel. You don’t offer these compliments unless you really believe them, or else you’re manipulating and trying to control the other person’s reaction to you, which is dysfunctional and dishonest. Explain that you’d love to share your own experience and enjoy the details, without turning the tables to talk about his or her experience right away. Tell the person that sharing experiences is like enjoying a really good meal, and you want to savor each course one at a time.
    Clingy Neediness
    Clingy people are insecure individuals who latch onto whoever will acknowledge their existence by giving them attention. As a caring Earth Angel, you can sense that such people need love. The problem is that they’re a bottomless pit of neediness, which neither you nor anyone else can fill. This person is constantly texting, calling, and e-mailing you. He or she may even pop over unannounced for visits. This individual may have a misconceived notion of the degree of your friendship, and mistakenly believe that you’re best friends when you’re actually casual acquaintances.
    â€” How this relationship affects you : This person has you looking over your shoulder constantly in an effort to avoid him or her. You start to feel guilty because you know that this person enjoys your company and feels he or she needs you, even though in a spiritual sense no one needs anyone as their Source.
    â€” How to handle this : It’s important for you, as an assertive Earth Angel, to always tell the truth with love. So you’ll need to summon the courage to tell this person that you’re quite busy with projects and need more space. This