health and strength were restored. His eyes were almost healed, and although his ribs were still painful, now he could get out of bed and walk around. Gittel came every day with the baby, who was now crawling and getting into everything. Little Avrum, Avrumchik. Oh, if papa, his namesake, had only lived to see. If only he’d lived…
CHAPTER TEN
N OW THAT JACOB’S HEALTH was returning so quickly, he began to think what he would do about a job. He was strong as a bull, but to go back to work on the docks was out of the question. That brave, he wasn’t. His mother had been right; goyim were bastards. He would never trust them as long as he lived. But he shoved the thought aside as he realized that Lotte’s letter would be arriving in the next few weeks. When he received it, he would have to look for a flat.
So Jacob’s immediate concern was a job. There were few choices and fewer jobs. Reluctantly, he went to work in a sweatshop off Second Avenue. The conditions were foul, unfit for human beings to work in. He despised what was called the needle trade, but he learned to work away at the machines, making suits for other men to wear. Still, at least he was among his own people. In fact, he almost convinced himself it was the best thing that had happened to him. He was out of the freezing cold and he was earning six dollars a week. Later, when he and Lotte got settled, he would get into a small business, a fruit stand maybe…
As the month dragged on, his anxiety grew to what bordered on obsession. He’d had no word from Lotte, he couldn’t think straight or do anything right. He began to wonder if she’d received the letter at all. The thought made his stomach do somersaults. In the morning he would set off for work exhausted from not having slept the night before. He cursed the mails. Well, there was only one thing to do—write another letter to Lotte. It wouldn’t speed up anything, but no matter how long it took, at least eventually he would know whether she had received the ticket.
One night when he returned home, Shlomo was waiting and excitedly called out, “The letter from Lotte came today.”
Thank God. Jacob hurried to his room, sat on the edge of the bed and tore open the envelope. His hands began to tremble as he sat staring at it. First he looked at the ticket, then at the unread letter. Taking a deep swallow he began to read.
Dear Jacob,
Please try to understand and forgive me for what I am going to say. I was in love with you, you must believe that, but it was the first love of two young people experiencing life for the first time. Unfortunately, time makes many changes. Perhaps if you had remained, I would never have thought of anyone else. I know you will be hurt about this. The truth is always painful, but I should have told you sooner. There is no way to say how sorry I am, but I have met a man who is a little older. He has a very good business and can take good care of me and also help my parents. By the time you get this, I will already be married. Truly, to think I would be the one to hurt you…
Jacob could not finish it. He felt as racked with pain as when he had been beaten, but this time he had no physical adversary. He got up and smashed his fist against the wall, then he ran out into the cold night, blinded with tears. He slipped and fell on the icy sidewalk, got up and went on. He wanted to die, kill himself. What was there about him? How could Lotte have destroyed him so when she knew how much he loved her? He thought again of all he had done for Lotte, of all that he had suffered for her, and suddenly he prayed that she would be punished for what she’d done to him. And he swore to himself that no one would ever make him feel like this again, no one. He hoped she would never have a moment’s peace in her life.
Jacob did not know what street he was on, nor what saloon he was in, it didn’t matter. He only knew hatred and anger and, worst of all, the frustration of not being able
CHAPTER TEN
N OW THAT JACOB’S HEALTH was returning so quickly, he began to think what he would do about a job. He was strong as a bull, but to go back to work on the docks was out of the question. That brave, he wasn’t. His mother had been right; goyim were bastards. He would never trust them as long as he lived. But he shoved the thought aside as he realized that Lotte’s letter would be arriving in the next few weeks. When he received it, he would have to look for a flat.
So Jacob’s immediate concern was a job. There were few choices and fewer jobs. Reluctantly, he went to work in a sweatshop off Second Avenue. The conditions were foul, unfit for human beings to work in. He despised what was called the needle trade, but he learned to work away at the machines, making suits for other men to wear. Still, at least he was among his own people. In fact, he almost convinced himself it was the best thing that had happened to him. He was out of the freezing cold and he was earning six dollars a week. Later, when he and Lotte got settled, he would get into a small business, a fruit stand maybe…
As the month dragged on, his anxiety grew to what bordered on obsession. He’d had no word from Lotte, he couldn’t think straight or do anything right. He began to wonder if she’d received the letter at all. The thought made his stomach do somersaults. In the morning he would set off for work exhausted from not having slept the night before. He cursed the mails. Well, there was only one thing to do—write another letter to Lotte. It wouldn’t speed up anything, but no matter how long it took, at least eventually he would know whether she had received the ticket.
One night when he returned home, Shlomo was waiting and excitedly called out, “The letter from Lotte came today.”
Thank God. Jacob hurried to his room, sat on the edge of the bed and tore open the envelope. His hands began to tremble as he sat staring at it. First he looked at the ticket, then at the unread letter. Taking a deep swallow he began to read.
Dear Jacob,
Please try to understand and forgive me for what I am going to say. I was in love with you, you must believe that, but it was the first love of two young people experiencing life for the first time. Unfortunately, time makes many changes. Perhaps if you had remained, I would never have thought of anyone else. I know you will be hurt about this. The truth is always painful, but I should have told you sooner. There is no way to say how sorry I am, but I have met a man who is a little older. He has a very good business and can take good care of me and also help my parents. By the time you get this, I will already be married. Truly, to think I would be the one to hurt you…
Jacob could not finish it. He felt as racked with pain as when he had been beaten, but this time he had no physical adversary. He got up and smashed his fist against the wall, then he ran out into the cold night, blinded with tears. He slipped and fell on the icy sidewalk, got up and went on. He wanted to die, kill himself. What was there about him? How could Lotte have destroyed him so when she knew how much he loved her? He thought again of all he had done for Lotte, of all that he had suffered for her, and suddenly he prayed that she would be punished for what she’d done to him. And he swore to himself that no one would ever make him feel like this again, no one. He hoped she would never have a moment’s peace in her life.
Jacob did not know what street he was on, nor what saloon he was in, it didn’t matter. He only knew hatred and anger and, worst of all, the frustration of not being able
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