day when they walk up and ask about diving.
'You want a water or anything?' I ask Izzy. At my words, Kalaya's head swings round. Jesus.
Izzy clears her throat and I know she's probably feeling as awkward as I am, but this is no one's fault. It's not like we planned to find each other again, and it's not even like anything will happen now we're adults. But I can't help feeling a little guilty now for the memories I can't erase.
'So, why did you come back here?' Kalaya asks her now.
'I think it was just time I saw it all,' Izzy answers tactfully, studying her hands on the table. 'I've been avoiding coming back here for a long time.'
'It's not exactly the nicest thing to re-live,' I say quickly.
'Sonthi's says you were on the beach when it happened?' Genevieve says now, eyes wide as she takes a cigarette and lights it with a match. She and the others are all looking at her with a mixture of interest and a little trepidation and Izzy crosses and uncrosses her legs. I don't miss her discomfort growing stronger by the second. Her eyes dart to the ocean, then the beach, like she's contemplating which way to run. Kalaya's eyes are on me now, almost daring me to speak. My heart pangs.
'I was on holiday here when...' Izzy pauses, 'when it happened.'
'Shit, that's screwed up,' Justin says, leaning back in his chair and fixing her an even more intense look. The girls all lean forwards with bated breath. It's always the same. Tourists love hearing these stories, even if they're horrified once we've told them. I feel my jaw start to pulse.
'Right, what's everyone eating?' I say, sliding round the plastic menu cards.
'My family also died,' Sonthi says suddenly. My eyes shoot up to Izzy.
'I'm so sorry,' she says, lining up the salt and pepper shakers with the napkin dispenser. 'I heard you lost a lot of people. More than me.'
'This is crazy, no?' Claudette cuts in, squeezing Sonthi's knee. 'You were all in the tsunami?'
'Not me,' Kalaya says. 'I was in Bangkok.'
'I think I'm going the pad Thai route, Pete makes a good one,' I say, just as another round of rum coconuts are delivered to the table. I take mine, take a big slug through the straw. Izzy shoots me a grateful look and I nod at her.
'How long have you been here in Khao Lak?' she asks Kalaya, sitting up straighter, putting her hands in her lap.
'I came six months ago. I needed new job, I was sick of Bangkok and my ex boyfriend. He lives there,' she replies, reaching out a hand to run it though my hair as she talks. 'He was from Ireland. He was a bad boy, not like Ben.'
Everyone laughs but I wince internally, taking her hand out of my hair and holding it instead. I've heard Kalaya talk about her Irish ex a number of times. He ended up cheating on her and dating her sister. Sonthi says it's why she's a little possessive. I say that's an understatement.
'So what do you do here, except dive?' Justin asks me. 'You live here, right?'
'I started the Khao Lak Survival Foundation, we opened a school, I say. 'I'm taking Izzy tomorrow if you want to come along, check it out with us?'
'Why not? Sounds good, cheers,' he says. 'Wouldn't mind checking out the local scenery!'
'We have some great kids from Sonthi's village, they're really awesome.'
I notice Izzy smiling as she studies her menu. I realize I didn't actually ask her if she wanted to see the school or not. I just assumed I would take her, and to the memorials.
'What time are we leaving? So I don't sleep in again,' she asks with a half smile now, just as my phone buzzes. I pull it out. It's my mom. Izzy sees me hang up on her.
'I have a morning dive till nine thirty,' I tell her. 'I'll come for you after that.'
The conversation moves quickly onto diving and when the food arrives I eat, speaking only when I'm spoken to. Every time my eyes catch Izzy's, though, I can feel something brewing, coming on stronger by the second, a ball of knots in my stomach that isn't just made from my noodles. I
'You want a water or anything?' I ask Izzy. At my words, Kalaya's head swings round. Jesus.
Izzy clears her throat and I know she's probably feeling as awkward as I am, but this is no one's fault. It's not like we planned to find each other again, and it's not even like anything will happen now we're adults. But I can't help feeling a little guilty now for the memories I can't erase.
'So, why did you come back here?' Kalaya asks her now.
'I think it was just time I saw it all,' Izzy answers tactfully, studying her hands on the table. 'I've been avoiding coming back here for a long time.'
'It's not exactly the nicest thing to re-live,' I say quickly.
'Sonthi's says you were on the beach when it happened?' Genevieve says now, eyes wide as she takes a cigarette and lights it with a match. She and the others are all looking at her with a mixture of interest and a little trepidation and Izzy crosses and uncrosses her legs. I don't miss her discomfort growing stronger by the second. Her eyes dart to the ocean, then the beach, like she's contemplating which way to run. Kalaya's eyes are on me now, almost daring me to speak. My heart pangs.
'I was on holiday here when...' Izzy pauses, 'when it happened.'
'Shit, that's screwed up,' Justin says, leaning back in his chair and fixing her an even more intense look. The girls all lean forwards with bated breath. It's always the same. Tourists love hearing these stories, even if they're horrified once we've told them. I feel my jaw start to pulse.
'Right, what's everyone eating?' I say, sliding round the plastic menu cards.
'My family also died,' Sonthi says suddenly. My eyes shoot up to Izzy.
'I'm so sorry,' she says, lining up the salt and pepper shakers with the napkin dispenser. 'I heard you lost a lot of people. More than me.'
'This is crazy, no?' Claudette cuts in, squeezing Sonthi's knee. 'You were all in the tsunami?'
'Not me,' Kalaya says. 'I was in Bangkok.'
'I think I'm going the pad Thai route, Pete makes a good one,' I say, just as another round of rum coconuts are delivered to the table. I take mine, take a big slug through the straw. Izzy shoots me a grateful look and I nod at her.
'How long have you been here in Khao Lak?' she asks Kalaya, sitting up straighter, putting her hands in her lap.
'I came six months ago. I needed new job, I was sick of Bangkok and my ex boyfriend. He lives there,' she replies, reaching out a hand to run it though my hair as she talks. 'He was from Ireland. He was a bad boy, not like Ben.'
Everyone laughs but I wince internally, taking her hand out of my hair and holding it instead. I've heard Kalaya talk about her Irish ex a number of times. He ended up cheating on her and dating her sister. Sonthi says it's why she's a little possessive. I say that's an understatement.
'So what do you do here, except dive?' Justin asks me. 'You live here, right?'
'I started the Khao Lak Survival Foundation, we opened a school, I say. 'I'm taking Izzy tomorrow if you want to come along, check it out with us?'
'Why not? Sounds good, cheers,' he says. 'Wouldn't mind checking out the local scenery!'
'We have some great kids from Sonthi's village, they're really awesome.'
I notice Izzy smiling as she studies her menu. I realize I didn't actually ask her if she wanted to see the school or not. I just assumed I would take her, and to the memorials.
'What time are we leaving? So I don't sleep in again,' she asks with a half smile now, just as my phone buzzes. I pull it out. It's my mom. Izzy sees me hang up on her.
'I have a morning dive till nine thirty,' I tell her. 'I'll come for you after that.'
The conversation moves quickly onto diving and when the food arrives I eat, speaking only when I'm spoken to. Every time my eyes catch Izzy's, though, I can feel something brewing, coming on stronger by the second, a ball of knots in my stomach that isn't just made from my noodles. I
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