everything (wrack your brain) you want, move to the second column. Now do a mental inventory of the men you’ve dated. Try to come up with a composite showing regular patterns in the men you choose. Now go through the qualities in the first column and write either yes or no next to each one in the second column. Yes, most of my boyfriends have had this quality or no, they have not. Give the answers serious, thorough consideration. I’m not asking whether you’ve ever dated someone with these fine qualities. At some point in your life, you could’ve encountered many of these positives, if not necessarily in the same person. This is a discussion of averages. If a majority of your boyfriends have been good listeners (if that quality is on your list), write “yes.” Otherwise, write “no.”
After you’ve gone through the entire list and answered to the best of your ability, think about patterns of behavior that you didn’t list. What are some other commonalities among your exes? Are there good qualities you didn’t think of? Equally important, are there bad ones that show up repeatedly? Write any additional consistent qualities you’ve noticed in your exes, both good and bad, in the left column, and put a “yes” next to it in the right.
Now sit back and take a look at the result. How closely does your “perfect” man mirror the reality of your previous boyfriends or partners? Did you often answer yes in the right places? If so, give yourself a pat on the back. Either you’ve become proficient at choosing potential mates from the outset, or you’ve learned how to articulate your needs well enough to weed out unworthy men before wasting an undue amount of time on them.
Both of these skills improve with practice and, like any other practiced skill, they begin to function nearly at the level of instinct. For a comparison, let us look at professional baseball players. To hit a pitch thrown at major league speeds (anywhere from 80-105 miles per hour) requires instantaneous decisions from the millisecond the ball leaves the pitcher’s hand. Hitters don’t “see” the baseball crossing the plate and adjust their swings accordingly. The limitations of human sight and agility make it a literal impossibility to do so, given the sheer speed at which the baseball moves and the short distance (about sixty feet between pitcher and batter) it travels.
So how the hell do hitters ever hit the stupid ball?
Yes, professional players are more athletically gifted than most of us. Yes, their strength, speed, and agility all play roles in what happens after the pitch is released, but you’d be surprised at how little these skills determine whether or not the hitter makes contact with the ball. A study of the reflex times of major league players surprisingly showed that their reaction times aren’t significantly faster than the average person. Rather, professionals generally have better eyesight (pro players average above 20/20 vision), as well as lots and lots of practice. [xlvi]
Back to how they hit a baseball. Seeing as it’s impossible to react to the flight of a baseball as it nears the plate, players rely on keen sight and educated guesswork. Anticipating the trajectory and speed of a baseball comes down to a few simple factors: the position of the pitcher arm, his grip on the ball, knowledge of his pitching patterns, and familiarity with the basic speed of his various pitches. That’s pretty much it. Bat speed and superior coordination may affect where and how far the ball travels after it is hit, but the players can’t do anything without good instincts.
That’s all well and good, but I’m not the starting shortstop for the New York Yankees. I’m trying to find a guy who doesn’t forget my birthday and isn’t pathologically allergic to foreplay.
Don’t worry, there is a point here. Take a look at your worksheet again. Perhaps you’re staring down at a sea of disappointing “no” answers, which doesn’t
After you’ve gone through the entire list and answered to the best of your ability, think about patterns of behavior that you didn’t list. What are some other commonalities among your exes? Are there good qualities you didn’t think of? Equally important, are there bad ones that show up repeatedly? Write any additional consistent qualities you’ve noticed in your exes, both good and bad, in the left column, and put a “yes” next to it in the right.
Now sit back and take a look at the result. How closely does your “perfect” man mirror the reality of your previous boyfriends or partners? Did you often answer yes in the right places? If so, give yourself a pat on the back. Either you’ve become proficient at choosing potential mates from the outset, or you’ve learned how to articulate your needs well enough to weed out unworthy men before wasting an undue amount of time on them.
Both of these skills improve with practice and, like any other practiced skill, they begin to function nearly at the level of instinct. For a comparison, let us look at professional baseball players. To hit a pitch thrown at major league speeds (anywhere from 80-105 miles per hour) requires instantaneous decisions from the millisecond the ball leaves the pitcher’s hand. Hitters don’t “see” the baseball crossing the plate and adjust their swings accordingly. The limitations of human sight and agility make it a literal impossibility to do so, given the sheer speed at which the baseball moves and the short distance (about sixty feet between pitcher and batter) it travels.
So how the hell do hitters ever hit the stupid ball?
Yes, professional players are more athletically gifted than most of us. Yes, their strength, speed, and agility all play roles in what happens after the pitch is released, but you’d be surprised at how little these skills determine whether or not the hitter makes contact with the ball. A study of the reflex times of major league players surprisingly showed that their reaction times aren’t significantly faster than the average person. Rather, professionals generally have better eyesight (pro players average above 20/20 vision), as well as lots and lots of practice. [xlvi]
Back to how they hit a baseball. Seeing as it’s impossible to react to the flight of a baseball as it nears the plate, players rely on keen sight and educated guesswork. Anticipating the trajectory and speed of a baseball comes down to a few simple factors: the position of the pitcher arm, his grip on the ball, knowledge of his pitching patterns, and familiarity with the basic speed of his various pitches. That’s pretty much it. Bat speed and superior coordination may affect where and how far the ball travels after it is hit, but the players can’t do anything without good instincts.
That’s all well and good, but I’m not the starting shortstop for the New York Yankees. I’m trying to find a guy who doesn’t forget my birthday and isn’t pathologically allergic to foreplay.
Don’t worry, there is a point here. Take a look at your worksheet again. Perhaps you’re staring down at a sea of disappointing “no” answers, which doesn’t
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